A Prefunctory Existence
by runawaycartman
Summary: It's complicated. It's an AU future told from the POV of Kyle. Strong Kyman & Style undertones along with some straight stuff, but it could go anywhere at this point. First chapter is pretty short, just needed something to anchor my mind in the world so I can continue writing later.


This is going to be kind of short; I just needed to release something and make a start because I've been procrastinating for days. This is my first ever fanfic of any kind, any feedback; good or bad is appreciated, and I'm not adverse to suggestions about the direction of the story and whatnot. It start's a little slow but it's going to be fairly adult by the end, so if you don't like that kind of thing then you should probably close this tab.

ch.1

Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman trudged into Cartmans room, it was a Friday afternoon, school had just ended and it was a pretty arduous week.

Kyle had been bored the whole time, and annoyed at Stan for flaunting his affection for Wendy at the bus stop and then at school every day.

It was so fucking inconsiderate and made him feel jealous as hell, but he tried not to show Stan anything, choosing instead to look bored when the two would neck incessantly.

Cartman kicked the door closed childishly and shouldered his backpack onto the floor, tossing his cap into the corner of his room where other clothes were piled up, then collapsed on his back onto his large queen size bed which creaked tenuously under the load. He was wearing the same red parker that he always had; it was a little duller and frayed at the sleeves and had some stains that looked like they couldn't be washed out… Kyle hoped it wasn't blood, but knowing Cartman he couldn't be too sure. Amazingly it still fit.

Cartman still looked fat, but possibly less obscenely so as he had expanded in height and width, his shoulders becoming broader seemed to support the weight a little better.

Kyle also removed his backpack then sat quietly on Cartman's office chair in front of his computer desk and removed his green ushanka, thinking about how unfair it was that Cartman could con anything he wanted out of Liane.

Stan was doing stuff with Wendy (of course), and Kenny was busy doing stuff with his new "cool" friends, which made Kyle feel bitter and indifferent to Kenny even though it was hard to be mad at Kenny's dogmatic and infectious happiness.

Which left him stuck with Cartman, a kid who he kind of hated, but he felt like he had to suffer or he would be stuck at home doing nothing right now.

Kyle sighed as he fiddled with the flaps of his hat, staring downward and trying to catch his breath from the walk from the bus stop.

Getting older and going to high school had pushed a lot of anxiety and uncertainty to the forefront of Kyle's personality, he hadn't really grown a heap yet as was apparent by the larger boy Cartman kind of towering almost a head above Kyle when they stood together. The constant babying and restrictions enforced by his mother and father made him feel like a small child, whilst around him his friends seemed to be getting older and experiencing things.

So he spent his days now mostly sitting in his room and playing video games online, studying and fapping, feeling sorry for himself and eating. That was it. His life was boring and slow.

He ate a lot of junk food now, maybe because he was hanging out with Cartman more frequently and there was always bad food to eat at his house, maybe because it distracted him from his life and made him feel comfortable, mostly because there was nothing else to do and because of this stupid complex that he couldn't help: he got fat.

He shook his head, closing his eyes tight trying to shake all this negativity, and noticed Cartman looking at him.

'So uh...' Kyle trailed off looking at Cartman expectantly; worry crossing his pale face, wondering if he had spotted this odd tick. He was 14 now, his shock of red curly hair had been tamed into a shorter cut, which was at least one thing that his mother would allow him to do.

He was now less reluctant to actually show his head under his hat at least around friends, if you could consider Eric Cartman a friend at all. But still... it was a point of contentious embarrassment for Kyle and he wished he wasn't so transparent about his poor self-esteem.

Mulling over these thought Kyle looked dumbly at the wall the corners of his mouth down turned.

'What is it Jew boy?' said Cartman looking at Kyle with that arrogant officiousness that made Kyle hate him.

'Do you want something?' he continued, chortling.

Kyle stared at Cartman with what he hoped looked like boredom, even though this had flared his temper somewhat. He knew Cartman did this specifically to aggravate him and tried to let it pass. Besides letting Cartman know it still upsets him to have his faith (or maybe his parents faith, he wasn't so sure) insulted and generalized would make Cartman win, and to Kyle it was important that Cartman didn't win.

'We literally talked about this minutes ago fatass, we're playing videogames like we do every day' he retorted calmly.

Cartman's eyes narrowed momentarily, shifting uncomfortably while lying down, then sitting up on the edge of the bed and crossing his arms and leaning forward, apparently trying to hide his stomach.

Kyle was kind of surprised by his reaction seeing as Cartman usually didn't give a shit about what other people thought, or other people at all for that matter. But since the two had been spending more time with each other as 'friends' lately, things had changed inexplicably for some reason. Cartman would briefly show what amazingly appeared to be vulnerability to Kyle which made him feel pretty uncomfortable for some reason.

Cartman stood up off his bed, leaned over to the Xbox and powered it on.

He had his own shit going on, Kyle thought. He didn't need this bigots baggage as well, and he didn't really care that much.

'You can talk, Kahl' Cartman snapped. Looking at the floor dejectedly and tossing him a controller.

The controller landed kind of painfully in Kyle's lap.

'Shut the fuck up Cartman!' Kyle reacted instantly, and Cartman flashed a big grin at him.

A wave of embarrassment flushed across Kyle's face as he regretted his angry outpouring immediately, but it only made him feel more hopeless and frustrated as his cheeks grew crimson. He was giving Cartman exactly what he wanted.

'Aww I'm sorry, poor fat baby wants his bottle?' The larger boy teased cruelly, a hint of malice in his voice.

Kyle looked up at Cartman with spite 'Ok dude I'm leaving then, fuck it' he uttered, jumping up and grabbing his backpack hurriedly, stuffed his cap back on his head, and turned to leave.

He was aware of when Cartman was lashing out and didn't want to stay any longer to cop his abuse. It had been that way since they were little.

'Why are you being so weird lately?' Cartman asked casually before Kyle could open the door.

Being called weird didn't help his already plummeting mood, especially by a degenerate like Cartman. Kyle's shoulder's dropped a little as he turned to face Cartman again.

'I'm not being... weird.' he protested croakily, a lump beginning to form in his throat.

He felt very small, and angry at Cartman for being a dick all the time, angry at himself for being so completely pathetic. Cartman was standing over him now, looming somewhat dangerously. Kyle took a half step back and looked at the floor instinctively like he was being scolded.

'Stan and Kenny said you were depressed that's why you're so fat now' said Cartman mischievously and stared at Kyle, waiting without expression like a taciturn fisherman longing for something tasty to bite on his lure.

Somewhere secret and unknown a gear clicked that made Kyle lose control of his seething anger and frustration. Stan, his previous best friend was talking about him behind his back and so was the "nice" guy Kenny. Probably about what a huge weirdo he was.

His hands balled up into fists, whitening his knuckles, he was trembling now uncontrollably. In that moment he wanted them all to die. They probably all thought he was such a loser, well fuck them all!

'I don't GIVE a SHIT!' He screamed at Cartman, making the bigger boy flinch as if he wasn't expecting this sudden outburst.

'Are you fucking happy now Cartman? You got a reaction out of me does it make you feel better!?' Kyles emerald eyes seemed to pierce Cartman, a shocked look flashing on his chubby face.

'It must be so easy for you, you never have to try at anything, you don't have to care about people and you don't care when they hurt you. But I care Cartman! And no one respects me; everyone thinks I'm some stupid kid to be taken care of!'

Kyle felt like he had a bar of lead in his stomach, and his eyes were beginning to itch, trying his hardest to not suddenly start crying in front of Cartman and validate his own self-hatred as being a child who couldn't control himself.

'I hate you! And I hate Stan and Kenny for leaving me alone! My life sucks now!' He bellowed artlessly, breathing hard and still shaking with rage.

Cartman was looking at Kyle kind of stunned, scared even. His eyebrows were scrunched together; he gazed back into Kyle's glinting green eyes, then his expression suddenly changed to a smirk and he snorted 'grow up Kyle'.

'GOD DAMN IT SHUT UP!' Kyle spat and with that he slammed the door behind him and stormed out the front of Eric Cartman's house before he could do any serious property damage.

He felt slightly listless and dizzy walking through the cold and snow. The cool air had done work to alleviate some of the pressure of Cartman's teasing and he took big breaths as he dawdled on the way home.

Cartman was so completely hypocritical, for ridiculing him about his weight. But he was right, he couldn't hold that over Cartman anymore, and it kind of hurt that Cartman could hold it over him now.

Come to think of it he was the one that provoked his friend by calling him fat, really he deserved the same. But it was just the venom with which Cartman ridiculed him that made him feel so angry.

The anger slowly receded as he continued breathing in the chilled air slowly. He reflected silently and watched his feet as the snow creaked and gave way to every step. No cars were on the road at this time in the quite mountain town of South Park and the streets gave off a feeling of quiet placidity that he enjoyed.

Kyle paused, his steady steps slowing to a halt.

A scary thought suddenly occurred to him, maybe he was the hypocrite. Cartman had always been there in the group for their adventures, he had always been part of it… even a leader. But had any of them ever really wanted him there? Had anyone considered how the fat-ass felt? Were any of them ever be NICE to Cartman?

He suddenly recoiled emotionally about how phony and ignorant he had sounded screaming at the only person who would spend time with him, having an outburst like a petulant child over pretty much nothing.

Maybe there was something wrong with him that he didn't realize, that was pushing people away. But bitterly he felt as if it was their rejection that made him feel this way.

Sure Cartman had done horrible things, to Kyle especially. But Kyle had only just started being lonely and he felt terrible. Cartman had been lonely his whole life…

It was all too much, an incoherent dichotomy of feelings that he couldn't really deal with right then and there. Could it be possible that he was feeling sorry for that morally corrupt nazi?

'God damn it' he whispered to himself in exasperation, pushing his thoughts to the side and hurried the rest of the distance back, it was only a couple of blocks.

After spending about an hour on his math homework to finish it before the weekend, Kyle exhaled loudly and threw his pen to the back of his desk and closed his note books, shoving them back into his open backpack on the floor.

He glanced out of his room's window to see the crimson glow of a dying sun silhouetted by the points of the local fir's in the mountains. It reminded him of flickering candles, he thought. In some ways he really liked South Park; it had a kind of austere tranquility that calmed him.

But in other ways South Park wasn't so great, like the hicks and the racists, all the ignorance kind of swam in its own stream far from the rationality of the sane and well adjusted. It was a weird place with a lot of extremism, and a lot of strange and damaged people.

Strange and damage he repeated in his mind, scattered from painful and abusive relationships, like human shrapnel. He secretly hoped he wasn't one of those people, but he probably was turning into one.

He still felt decidedly gloomy after his blow up at Cartman and how shit the week had been, and felt like he needed affirmation from someone, anyone.

He thought about Stan, he looked so strong and tall now; playing football and being on the swim team had turned him into some sporty fitness god that everyone fawned over, or wanted to be. He was so self-assured and proud of himself now, getting back with _the love of his life _Wendy and a new social setting had seemed to give him wings. Kyle's blood was still kind of boiling from the thought that his friends were talking about him behind his back like some invalid that needed to be cared for.

Suddenly he felt like confronting Stan, he needed some sort of validation before he started stressing about these people and eating again.

Grabbing his phone he climbed on top of the covers of his bed, using the pillow to prop his chest up.

He laid there looking at Stans number for a while thinking of what to say, and ended up dumbly with:

_Kyle: Hey._

He wondered if Stan was boning Wendy right now, a pang of jealousy shooting from his stomach through his chest. He rolled on his back and looked up at the ceiling, laying the phone on his soft stomach. After a couple of minutes passed with Kyle closing his eyes and feeling really drowsy, he felt the phone vibrate to confirm a new message.

_Stan: Hey dude, sup._

_Kyle: Not much. Just finished Math, it was pretty easy… _

Kyle hesitated, beginning to second guess what he was going to say to Stan. Then just hit send hoping Stan would continue texting back.

_Stan: Yeah I've been hanging with Wendy, just got home. Hey listen we were talking about this party we might go to, one of Kenny's friends. Its tomorrow. Starts at 8. You want to come? We haven't hung out much in a while…_

Kyle groaned, great a party. He wondered briefly if Stan talked about him to Wendy, and hated the thought.

_Kyle: I don't really like parties. Especially if I'm going to be around the clique, Im gonna feel weird._

He quickly typed and waited for the response anxiously.

_Stan: No dude it's not like that, these people are cool and relaxed they won't judge you. It will be fine! Please come it will be good for you._

Kyle sighed, feeling kind of defeated by Stan pleading him to come to some stupid jock and whore fest like it really mattered to him. But relieved at the same time, if Stan said it was going to be ok it probably was. What the hell it doesn't matter, at least he could talk to Stan and Kenny there.

_Kyle: Fine, ok. Can I go with you? I'm going to need to tell my mom im staying at ur place._

This kind of implied that he needed to stay at Stan's place as well, which Kyle felt like was a pretty shit thing to do, that's how they had always got away with breaking curfew when they were younger though. Except now he was the only one with a real curfew on the weekends he thought bitterly, biting at his lip.

_Stan: yeah no problem, meet me at mine at 5._

_Kyle: k, cya then._

A small smile crept across the gingers face as darkness slowly enveloped the room. The sun had completely vanished behind the horizon.

He was actually going to hang out with someone besides Cartman for once, he wondered if Stan had anything to say about him being 'depressed', or had Cartman just made that whole thing up to get him riled?

And why the hell would Stan and Kenny confide in Cartman anyway? He's just as much of a social fucktard as Kyle was. Unless…

Unless they wanted to help both of us, we were their charity; it was probably all Wendy's idea, to help out the weird fat boys. Stan didn't invite him to the party because he wanted to see him; he was just a problem that he and his lover were trying to fix. Stan was just enduring him like how Kyle endured Cartman.

Butterflies leapt into his belly at this realization, starting to feel unhappy again, and nervous about going to a party with people he didn't know.

He reached for the bedside drawer; he needed a Snickers, maybe two. What did it matter, he was going to eat the whole bag.

Kyle didn't sleep well that night.


End file.
